Sicker than a Dog

Me, right now. Which allows me space to wallow.

I am the biggest baby when sick. Sick, sick. Not man cold or mom cold. A fever that takes me down.

Then I walllow. Loneliness seems louder. The desire to be cared for.

Then my helicopter mom comes in.

She did take my youngest so I could sleep. She also managed dinner duty. And driving experience for my oldest.

I feel grateful for my village. It is small but mighty.

But that never helps when you are shaking from a fever, hacking up a lung and needing water. Lol

My mom did ask five times if I needed anything. I had already gotten up.

But I chuckled at the irony of the situation. God provided.

I also have done the work to heal and repair relationships. Especially with myself. So the gratitude of this space is what attracts more for me.

This is the hardest point.

Right now. Of this journey. The peak.

There is the whole other side of this marathon and I was awful this week. I am not quite to the tippy top, either.

Soon.

But remaining in this space of trusting God.

Fucking fever, though.

I get this sick once a year. Around this time. Something maybe with shift of seasons.

But either way. This is hard. My best option is to surrender and feel it.

Back to feeling it.